I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
