so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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