wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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