sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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