Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
