My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Houston, we have a squirter
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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