Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
