actually, I'm a sock model
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
