NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
