cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
