I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
