Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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