Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
