If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
