His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
