he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
