Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
