just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Non-Jews are for practice
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
