If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
