whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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