OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
