ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pooping to opera.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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