you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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