I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
