HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
