I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
