happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
