the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And then he peed in my hair
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