Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
