Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
