so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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