Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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