Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
