The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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