How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
