road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
