My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
