Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
