I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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