I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
