i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
