So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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