Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
