peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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