I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
