Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
