he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Houston, we have a blender
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
