So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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