does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
