great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
