If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
