Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
