Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
