We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
